Students Voices - Letting Go

Letting Go

by Marion Gillooly

I’m not ready to let go. Not yet.

As I write this blog, I’m settling down to begin my week after another incredible Rites & Rituals Scotland weekend at Loch Tay.  The focus of our second weekend together in this special place was sacred relationships and life transitions. We were each supported to explore those relationships in our lives that transcend the day to day. People and places; special and spiritual, energising and enduring.

We took part in a cacao ceremony – much gentler, cosier and more comforting than I would have guessed – actually, before Saturday I had no idea what a cacao ceremony was. It sounded totally out of my comfort zone, but I was very pleased that it involved drinking a cup of delicious hot chocolate made with ceremony grade cacao sweetened with honey. And it led into an inner child meditation, which was personal, private and powerful. How many of us take the time to reflect on our relationships with ourselves; to remember the details of the person we once were? For me it was the sounds, smells and feeling of a summer day in the early 1970s, and wee Marion was happy, loved, and full of potential; shy with those outside the family, but full of mischief at home.

I think those who know me would recognise that wee Marion is still here. In fact, as the weekend progressed and we relaxed together, mischievous Marion was definitely to the fore, especially after a glass or two of wine over dinner. But I was struck by the persistence of shy Marion too – a reticence to throw myself into making up a creative story off the cuff, and a struggle to let go of my inhibitions enough to sing at the top of my lungs as others did when a good tune played as we were packing up to leave. What does it matter that my singing talents aren’t to everybody’s taste? Who cares? A small part of me, it seems.

I learned a great deal this past weekend, about myself, and about my new-found friends and fellow ceremonialists, but it wasn’t only about soul searching and reflection. I learned so much about the different ways to deliver special ceremonies. I also learned all about the practicalities of conducting a legal marriage or civil partnership ceremony, the only type of ceremony that has its basis in law. Not only is this essential learning, but, having always been a rule follower, it’s right up my street. It’s so important that the couples I work with have confidence that their marriage or civil partnership ceremony contains all the elements required to make it lawful, as well as all the personal, meaningful, moving content that make it spiritual and unforgettable.

I came home last night, exhausted but elated, my head full of all that I had experienced and learned. I was, of course, happy to be home and glad to see my loved ones too. I have a busy week ahead, and I got up this morning thinking I was ready to launch myself into the week, but I found I was struggling. My head was still full of the weekend, and I realised I wasn’t ready to let it go, not quite yet.

The connections we are forming as part of the Rites & Rituals community are heartfelt and strong, even as the speed at which they’ve been formed has surprised us. Just as I know there are parts of myself that I will never let go, I also know that this group creates a safe place for me to let go of my insecurities and inhibitions – when it’s appropriate, (be reassured, I’ll be keeping all my clothes on!) when it feels right, (nobody is going to push me to do anything I don’t want to) and when I’m ready (I’m the only one who will know when that is).

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy hanging onto the special memories that have been created in the Loch Tay valley, and as I always do, I’ll keep hold of all the special people in my life. I’ll not be letting them go, not ever.